Rejoice! Prime Day 2100 is here!
We’re so pleased that, more than 100 years after its founding, Amazon continues to be Earth’s most consumer-centric company, focusing on the needs of the 11 billion customers on our planet. For more than 80 years, Amazon has been delivering Prime quality and Prime speed to Prime families around the world, in keeping with our time-honored Prime traditions and Prime values.
The world may look a lot different than it did back when your mom was ordering her Prime packages, thanks to those pesky additional 2 degrees Celsius of warming. But through the wildfires, the floods, the heatwaves, and the superstorms, we’re proud of our unending commitment to delivering your packages to your door on time, by foot, car, boat, drone, or AlexaPortal.
While we’ve got traditional deals this 85th annual Prime Day—you can rest assured that all the ingredients for your Prime Day Feast will still arrive in time for dinner—this year, we also want to remind you of Amazon’s longstanding commitment to the health and well-being of our planet and how we’re keeping up our great work in being a friend to our Earth.
PRIME DEAL: Carbon Dioxide Liquor Sampler Set for $309.99 (Save $40)
Part of our LuxeCarbon line of high-end products made from CO2, this beautiful set, packaged in clear crystal to represent our dreams of clear air, features gin, vodka, and whiskey, enabling you to make cocktails you can feel good about.
On the Road to Net Zero-ish
From its humble beginnings, Amazon has been the picture of new and exciting forms of energy, ever since we began powering our data centers with ancient wind technology way back in the 2010s. And we’ve got some exciting updates for our customers this Prime Day.
Amazon is now in our 20th year of partnership with Exxonchevrontotalaco, world’s top producer of blue hydrogen, clean gas, and carbon-neutral oil, helping them innovate new ways to bring the cleanest fossil fuels to our prosperous energy system. As you may have read at their corporate announcement at COP120 this year, Exxonchevrontotalaco has pledged to reduce emissions to 2020 levels over the next 10 years. We are heartened to be a partner in this great effort, and so proud of the strides they have made to meet all their previous net-zero(ish) targets.
PRIME DEAL: Adidas Sport Fashion Respirator for $92.95 (Save $20)
Don’t let wildfire smoke slow you down. This sleek, low-profile respirator fits right in with Adidas’s WetBulb Wicking collection line to keep you regulated and breathing right.
The promises and possibilities of carbon dioxide sequestration continue to be one of the most important tools we have in transforming our grid. This year, we’re proud to announce that 5% of all associated emissions from this year’s Prime Day will be offset from the atmosphere with our Jeff Bezos Campus of carbon removal machines in Iceland. While progress on this complex technology has been slow—and the 2091 peat fires did devastating damage to the physical campus itself—we’re confident that over the next few decades, our fleet will finally be able to reach carbon dioxide removal levels envisioned by our Fearless Leader himself all the way back in the 2020s.
And we’re in our 50th year of the time-honored guarantee that, for each Amazon Prime package delivered, we’ll plant a tree. This year, for the first time ever, shoppers can choose to plant that tree on the Moon. What could be more exciting than theoretically offsetting carbon emissions on a completely different celestial body?
PRIME DEAL: Prime Citizen Exclusive: Yearly Carbon Subscription to Bezos Campus Services for $51,999.99 (Save $3,000)
This subscription provides an equivalent offset of 15 round-trip flights between London and New York, allowing you to live the best parts of your life guilt-free. You’re a good person!
Rethinking Our Plastic Use
As Prime Citizens, you have a right to receive any and all orders—from a succulent Prime Lab Chikkn™️ for lunch to a robotic handyman to help fix your home heat pump—within our promised 2-hour delivery window. (Remember when our grandparents had to drive to stores? Such a waste of precious gas money.) But we also know you may be concerned about the impact that shopping has on the environment. Even if you live far away from the toxic prairies of East Texas or the trash barrier islands of New Jersey, it’s clear that our longstanding packaging addiction is choking the planet.
When you receive a vital item at your doorstep from one of our Prime Delivery Drones, you can be sure that the packaging is compostable* or made from at least 30% recycled ocean plastic, harvested from our Amazon Trash Net Project fleet that trawls both the Pacific and Atlantic garbage patches. Together, we’re working to make sure our world moves toward a sustainable future.
* Check your local compost and recycling regulations before discarding, of course. It’s not our fault if you can’t recycle the plastic we give you :)
PRIME DEAL: PlastiMax Extract Pro 2-in-1 Microplastic Extractor for $129.99 (Save $70)
The wand has multiple settings for different types of food, from fish to beef to veggies, and an easy alert system for toxins, making safe mealtimes a snap. Not for use on tap water or baby formula.
Making This New Earth Our Home
Unlike some politicians in Washington—even those from states that have lost miles of coastline to sea level rise—Amazon upholds our time-honored tradition of acknowledging science and stating plainly that climate change is a fact. That’s why we’re not just gearing our business toward green solutions but also toward growing and changing with our new reality.
For more than 60 years, Amazon’s Prime Adaptability Program has been dedicated to showcasing products and subscriptions that give our customers all the tools and subscriptions they need to not just flourish but thrive in our changing climate. From handheld de-humidifying devices to the most fashionable wicking material for those pesky wet bulb days, you’ll find everything you need to survive the anthropocene this Prime Day—no matter which ravaged ecosystem you’re currently attempting to make your home in.
And hey, it’s not all bad: our supercharged trade routes through the melted Arctic mean that we’re able to ship goods at a speed your grandmother could have only dreamed of. Hot dog!
PRIME DEAL: 2-in-1 Trash Compactor Bungee Shoes With Flooding Stilt Inset for $1,119.99 (Save $80)
These shoes make strolling through the piles of trash between your car and your office a breeze. And for Prime Day only, add the additional water stilt option for tidal flooding days for a super-low price.
Looking Beyond Earth’s Horizons
Amazon has been an amazing steward of our planet since its inception. But we can’t say the same of, well, everyone else. After all, it’s kind of your fault that you wanted to all this stuff so badly. Anyway, if you’re sick of living on Earth, we don’t blame you. Our patented luxury JeffFlights to the Moon depart from JFK and LAX each day at noon, with economy-class tickets to Mars coming later this year. And just remember: you can still get one-day Prime shipping even in the most remote lunar colonies!
PRIME DEAL: A One-Way Ticket Off This Shithole for $1,229,999.99 (Save $100,000)
Listen, it kind of sucks down here. Come with us to another planet—and let’s figure out how to fuck that one up, too.